Tame your nerves when it comes to tough talks with your teen

Teens face difficult issues every day--from sex and dating concerns, to drugs and violence. You aren't helping your teen if you cover your ears every time she asks you a tough question.

Be prepared to have an open conversation with your teen to discuss these issues. It's better for you to share your family's values with your teen than for her to go along with whatever her friends are doing.

Here are some tips for surviving tough talks with your teen:

· Do some thinking in advance. It's natural that your teen will eventually come to you to talk about a difficult issue. Spend time thinking of typical teen behaviors and how you would advise your teen to address them.

· Avoid delaying the conversation. Your teen will likely catch you off guard with her question. But realize that if she's asking your advice on a situation, she has probably already asked her friends for their advice. You'll have to answer the question right away. Buy yourself some time to think by saying something like "I'm glad you came to me with that question."

· Be clear and honest in your response. Discuss your family's values. Use proper terminology for things rather than slang. If you're embarrassed, say so. Your teen will be more likely to turn to you in the future if she knows you'll give honest advice without being judgmental.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2010 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (High School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2010 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: "Tough Talks with your Teen," Shoulder to Shoulder: Raising Teens Together, www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Tough_Talks_your/.

Parent Quiz

Do you and your teen speak the same language?

Sometimes, it seems as if teens and parents don't speak the same language. They say they'll be home "soon." They mean, "Sometime before tomorrow." You say, "Do your homework now." They hear, "Do it whenever."

Are you making every effort to speak the same language as your teen? Answer each question yes or no to find out:

___1. Do you spend time with your teen every day so you can talk about day-to-day issues?

___2. Do you schedule times to do something special together? You can go out for breakfast or take a walk.

___3. Do you spend a few minutes with your teen before bed? Often, teens will say things in the dark that they would never say during the day.

___4. Do you occasionally watch TV shows with your teen?

___5. Do you try to listen to at least some of your teen's favorite music?

How well are you doing?

Each yes means you are trying to speak the same language as your teen. For each no, try that idea.

Q: My teen was always an above-average student. But now in her tenth grade year, her grades have dropped. She has a new group of friends--people I don't know and don't really like. She's lost interest in school, and in other activities like sports that she used to enjoy. Recently, I've caught her lying about things--from a grade on a test to where she's going. I am worried she might be using drugs. What should I do?

A: Any one of the changes in your teen's behavior might be a cause for worry. But taken together, they point in a dangerous direction.

Your teen is at risk of using drugs. You need to be open to that possibility, and you need to start thinking about what you'll do if you learn it's the truth.

First, try to talk with her teachers. They may be seeing the same things. They may even have some added insights. Tell them about your worries. Ask them to stay in touch with you.

Learn all you can about drug abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (www.nida.nih.gov) has accurate information for parents.

You're going to have to talk with your teen. Tell her what you have seen. Tell her what you suspect. Then be sure your teen gets outside help. Your family doctor may offer some ideas on where to get help.

Trust your instincts. If you suspect your teen is using drugs, you're probably right. Delaying action won't help, so act as quickly as you can.

--Kristen Amundson, The Parent institute. Reprinted with permission from the March 2010 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (High School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2010 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc.

Peer pressure in teen years builds important social skills

Teach your teen how to handle stress

The stress of everyday life--school, friends, family, jobs, extracurricular activities, etc.--can really take a toll on your teen's health. Stress has been linked to weight gain, headaches, mood swings, poor grades and sleep problems. To keep your teen's stress from overwhelming him, encourage him to:

· Calm down. If he's feeling stressed, he should stop what he's doing and take a few deep breaths. Squeezing a stress ball can help alleviate tension.

· Vent. Your teen could write in a journal or talk to you about what's going on.

· Take a break. If math homework is stressing him out, work on history for a while. He could listen to music for a while--or go for a jog to clear his head.

· Avoid procrastination. Planning ahead always helps. Have your teen talk to his teacher if he's having trouble completing a project on time.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2010 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (High School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2010 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: "Advice from Teens: 10 Ways to De-Stress Your Life," TeenHealthFX, www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/teenTips/tip_3.php.